OPENING SCENE:

(Squeaky talking and chirping noises in background)

Roger (radio producer) enters into broadcast area and seeks information from Paul (off-air presenter).

ROGER

What’s all that noise in the background?

PAUL

What noise?

ROGER

All that chirping noise . . . listen . . . there it goes again.

PAUL

Oh that’s the News Roger . . . the afternoon news.

ROGER

The News. Good heavens . . . why does it sound like little munchkins having a tea party . . . and . . . it’s not going to air . . . surely not?

PAUL

Oh it’s live alright. I’m not too keen on it myself . . . but you did give it the go ahead.

ROGER

When and why would I agree to have that chirping and whistling going to air instead of the normal News program with Linda and her team?

PAUL

That is Linda. You told her not to read the News on air ever again . . . and fired her!

ROGER

Yes . . . yes I remember now  . . . so why is she still here then . . . and reading the News in that peculiar way like that and disturbing my listeners . . . and advertising executives! Stop it immediately!

PAUL

Well she’s not reading the News on air today . . . she went and got some Helium, took a few deep breaths and is now reading the News on Helium instead.

ROGER

You’re ALL fired!

PAUL

Impossible me old gaffer!

ROGER

And why’s that!

PAUL

We all quit this morning to work for another station . . . tarah then! Come on Linda . . . let’s leave old grumpy here and start working for a real radio station.

(Motions to Linda to stop broadcasting and to leave the station)

THE END

(from my book “Short Comedy Routines for Novices” – available Amazon and Kindle)