skits

A Skit about School Essays

/ Stefan Nicholson

My blog for this week is on the notion of abstract comedy. This involves an interplay within the story-line, hidden meanings and imagined mannerisms of the characters. The example given is from my book, “Short Comedy Routines for Novices” (available from Amazon and Kindle). The book contains 46 skits for young comedians, to practice delivery, timing and facial expressions – in a setting with minimal props.

The example is generally part of the continuous banter which occurs throughout a typical half-hour comedy series.

Uncle BOB

/ Stefan Nicholson

Well, here is something a little different – seeing as it is nearly Christmas, with parties and get-togethers. Have you noticed there is always an Uncle Bob – the older, sleazy, sozzled individual who thinks they are funny and incredibly attractive.

This piece is one of the skits in my book “Short Comedy Routines for Beginners” – available at Amazon Books.

Uncle Bob

OPENING SCENE:

(Christmas party noise and music)

Silly and slightly inebriated Uncle Bob is lurching around at the large family Christmas gathering, and starts talking to a bored young woman who is stuck on the same table.

Uncle Bob

I spy with my little eye, something beginning with R . . . hmmmm?

Cathy

Right then . . . (sighs) . . . is it the radio?

Uncle Bob

Not even close.

Cathy

Red thingy over there . . . uh, the robot or rattle . . . radiator, razor, remote, rhinoceros, rabid dog, or that handy rectangular nut-cracker?

Uncle Bob

Nope. See that action figure over there with the sword, hat and hook-arm?

Cathy

What? That bloody pirate! . . . That begins with a P.

Uncle Bob elbows her in the arm, gets too close for words and winks.

Uncle Bob

A pirate always begins with “Arrrrrrrrr”

Cathy closes her eyes and mutters obscenities under her breath when she suddenly sees her dizzy friend Susan.

Cathy

Susan! Come and sit here Susan and listen to this fascinating man’s party jokes.  He’ll blow your mind.

Cathy runs off to be violently sick in the toilet

Susan

I’m having a super time at this party!

Uncle Bob sidles up to her real close and winks.

Uncle Bob

Hey there. I’ve got something for you. The name’s Bob . . . as in Bob–a-Job.

Susan immediately realizes that she has just met another sleazy drunk, but too late.

Uncle Bob

I spy with my little eye, something beginning with R . . . hmmmm?

Susan closes her eyes and mutters obscenities under her breath at Cathy and decides to terminate him.

Susan

If the answer is Pirate, I’m going to have to kill you by inserting that pirate, sword first in a very slow and distressing manner.

Uncle Bob straightens up – but soon has another attempt, and leans over her.

Uncle Bob

Arrrrrr . . . well it begins with A then.  I see you’ve played this before.

Susan

Aorta, broken Arm, Art attack . . . Axe murderer?

Uncle Bob

No, but very funny indeed.  It is that Scotsman over there.  They always begin with “Ayyyyyyyy”.  Heh Heh.

Not a word was said, but Uncle Bob was in shock for the next half hour after being king-hit in the nether regions.

THE END

Note: I promise you, the other skits are actually funny – and a lot longer. Designed for the young stand-up comedian to develop routines and audience participation.

Example of a Comedy Script

/ Stefan Nicholson

“Cool Cat” – (c) Stefan Nicholson 2015 Tasmania

OPENING SCENE:

(James is playing “Clair de Lune” on piano which has a bust of Debussy on top – His cat is sitting next to the bust)

Eric who is not very sharp, enters the room and looks unaware of his environment and has a blank look.

Eric

Wow man . . . who wrote that cool music? . . . It’s all floaty and surreal man.

James

(Points to the composer’s bust on piano, next to the cat)

Debussy. Yeah it sounds like some random falling of leaves on a winter’s night.

Eric

(looking at the cat which stretches out its paws)

Are you messing with me man. Is that the dude?

James

No kidding man . . . Claude Debussy. A French composer, who wrote it one night while looking at the moon.

Eric

(looking at the cat and talking slowly)

Well done Claude, that is a very nice piece of music . . . if you understand English man.

James

Good grief Eric . . . I was pointing at the composer’s bust.

Eric

Wow, sorry man for missing the clue.  So sorry Claudette, for making a huge mistake with the boobs and all.

(James crashes his head into the keyboard and bangs his hands up and down on the keys)

Eric

Wow man . . . is that another one of the pussy’s compositions?

James

Are you planning to have children in the future Eric . . . because they would probably smother you while you were sleeping, around the age of three when they would surely realise that cats DO NOT compose music!

Eric

But what about . . . ?

James

Don’t you ever mention “Cats” the musical in front of my cat . . . you may give it grandiose ideas.

THE END