health

Three Doctors

/ Stefan Nicholson / 1 Comment

Location: Surgery Reception

Irish nurse/receptionist explaining about the three doctors.

RECEPTIONIST

Oh, come and sit down over here and tell me all about your problems and your name.

MR. SMOGGINS

I’m poor, I’m hungry, I’m soaking wet, I’m Jim Smoggins and I have a big pain up my backside.

RECEPTIONIST

And I thought there was going to be something more seriously wrong with you than that, what with the way you were dragging yourself in here, and with all the moaning.

MR. SMOGGINS

Oh . . . I feel much better now. Must be the sympathy and your bedside manner that did the trick. I could have got that from my computer, but the bloody mouse doesn’t work.

RECEPTIONIST

Did you turn your mouse on?

MR. SMOGGINS

No. It was too tired after going around its treadmill all day.

RECEPTIONIST

Really Mr Smoggins I have no time for jokes today. The doctors are flat out busy

MR. SMOGGINS

What sort of doctors are they then?

RECEPTIONIST

We have three doctors on today. I call them the little doctor, the medium doctor, and the big doctor.

MR. SMOGGINS

Why is that?

RECEPTIONIST

Well, firstly the wee doctor is the urologist. Secondly, the medium doctor is the psychic psychologist. Thirdly, the big doctor is the GP who will look at your bottom – all day if needs be. He needs the money.

MR. SMOGGINS

I’ll take de turd doctor then. He sounds like what I need.

RECEPTIONIST

Right then, get yourself behind that screen and take your trousers off. Then get up on the bed and lie down on your stomach.

MR. SMOGGINS

Blimey, how much is this going to cost? I wanted to see the doctor.

Doctor Robert See enters the room, shouting out to him.

DOCTOR ROBERT SEE

Mr Smoggins is that you at the other end of this bottom?

MR. SMOGGINS

Yes, it is and I’m in a lot of pain.

DOCTOR ROBERT SEE

I’m Doctor Robert See, a GP who specialises in all the common and general diseases and accidents that may happen at home or work. I hear that you are a bit of a joker, yes?

MR. SMOGGINS

Robert See? You do know that becomes ‘Arsey’ in a name list don’t you?

DOCTOR ROBERT SEE

Yes Mr Smoggins. All through my life I have been told this. Although as a doctor, I can now get my own back on smart quips like that.

MR. SMOGGINS

Well, I was only saying, you know. So, can you fix my bum?

DOCTOR ROBERT SEE

That all depends on what went in there and from which way did it enter. I mean waste and disease may exist from within . . . however, inserting of the foreign articles into the bottom may also be a clue.

MR. SMOGGINS

Well yes, you’re right doctor and it may perhaps be a good time to tell you quietly that I sat on a toy giraffe whilst I was entertaining guests at my house.

DOCTOR ROBERT SEE

Ah yes, entertaining with such a giraffe would cause much pain, I’m sure. And was it a motorised giraffe or just the usual giraffe?

MR. SMOGGINS

Now look here doctor, I’m not one of those people who engage in that sort of activity. I just sat down on the toy giraffe which was wedged in between two settee cushions next to our cat.

The doctor thinks about the situation at hand.

DOCTOR ROBERT SEE

Maybe I should send you for a cat scan first . . . just in case it was the cat that you sat on. Now that would truly be a CAT-ARSE-TROPHY.

The doctor laughs hysterically. Smoggins sighs and realises that he can’t afford to be rude anymore.

THE END

NOTES:

“THREE DOCTORS” is one of the skits from my book: “SHORT COMEDY ROUTINES FOR NOVICES” – which is available on AMAZON BOOKS and KINDLE and GOOGLE PLAY BOOKS.

Why hire a Technical Writer?

/ Stefan Nicholson

Technical Writing Means Business Continuity and Documenting your Processes via QA and Standards:

It is an important part of documenting your company procedures, work instructions and training manuals.

When senior personnel leave a company, the information that leaves with them is a serious loss to the business. Shift work is often physically differently on each shift (same jobs) due to poor training or instructions passed down from changing staff members – often with errors and dangerous short cuts.

Best Practice work instructions and procedures combined with effective training will ensure that your workforce is following safe work practices and maintaining quality of product and services by doing the job safely and correctly. The standards set by the company and regulatory authorities will be part of that documentation system.

When people go to work each day, they expect to go home without injury. Companies expect their efficient and safe work environments to produce quality outcomes with a documented audit trail for monitoring the process mechanisms.

Technical Writers should be professionally trained and have wide ‘hands-on’ work experience to help management to maintain their client’s QA and EOH&S systems, providing solutions to meet their documentation requirements. Safety qualifications are a bonus.

Technical Writers communicate in a concise and effective manner, using diagrams, photos, spreadsheets, data-bases and illustrations to support the text. Multi-Media can be effective in providing on-line and easily accessible training courses that are available 24/7.

A Technical Writer uses research methods, interview techniques and reference document analyses (PFDs and P&IDs) to support site visits and existing documentation to develop new “best practice” documentation to suit the target audience. In fact, some manuals are developed and finalised only from engineering and design documents – even before the equipment, plant or business system has been physically built.

Technical Writing fees can be casual, part-time, full-time, contract (hourly, daily, weekly) and fixed-fee arrangements to suit your budget and deadlines.

Please let me know if you have any questions about your own documentation projects – no job is too big or too small. Using professional technical writers could even save a life.

email: stefannicholson@bigpond.com    phone: 0417181077